


Fix you

by zaidnovi



Series: Background Music [5]
Category: Supernatural, crowstiel - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, crowstiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:30:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3842326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaidnovi/pseuds/zaidnovi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always thanks</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I am sorry, come back...” -The last heard was the slam of the followed by the start of the car engine.- “I love you.”- The words have always been there haunting him yet he had never had the guts to say them, they always managed to get stuck on his throat. He knew that now it was too little to late for them. Castiel had left, he wanted out, he was never going to come back just like the others. He let himself fall against the door sliding until touching ground, then he cried. He just let everything purred out like he had not in years. He though of drinking there was a perfect almost full bottle of tequila that they had used for Christmas on one of the counters, but really what good will it made, he lay on the floor his eyes burning.  
***  
A few hours prior.

“i just don't understand why you have to work so much, why is it almost impossible for you to ask for a day off.”- Castiel gave a sigh and turned around to grab a bottle of eater form the refrigerator, he opened and continued. “Is like every time I make plans for just the two of us you find something that has to do with work.”  
“I have told you before, I need you to let me know before you make any plans, you know how difficult my boss can be, and I am trying to make partner. Is not as easy as just trading my shift with someone.”-He gave an exasperated huff, which gain him a look from Castiel.  
“Oh, am sorry I forgot your job is more important than mine, silly me.”  
“You know I did not say that.”- He really regretted saying those words, he really had not meant it, even if it was true in a way. He had always admired Castiel integrity and when he decided to quit his job on the big law firm because it did not fit Castiel standards, he had supported it. When Castiel had found his calling and decided to become a writer, he had also supported that, but the money had become tight, and push came to shove, so Castiel decide to take a job on the Gas station near their apartment. He had laughed only to find out that his boyfriend was being serious. Once he became a manager their schedules did not seem to match much of the time.- “I will see what I can do.”  
“No forget it, we will find another day, when you have it off.”  
“Yeah that's the thing, we have a big case...”- He did not get to finish his sentence at the sight of Castiel eyes rolling up.- “my hands are tied Cas.”- He really did not mean to raise his voice.  
“They are perpetually tied, have you notice that... What are we even doing? Anymore”- He puts the water down, his hands were shaking.- “this is not even a relation anymore, I see you six hours at night and three of them you are sleeping, have you realize, that now… I am nothing but your roommate and the occasional shag.”  
“You know.”- He tried to speak only to be silence by Castiel motioning his hand.  
“I am not finish, but I think am done, I have questions, I have doubts about you, I sit on the couch and wait for you to come back thinking you are going to tell me that is over. I don’t want to have doubts about you.”  
“I would never...”- his voice raised higher, but Castiel kept his calm.  
“Do you love me? Because I love you…”- Castiel waited a pregnant minute, only to look defeated at the floor.- “Do you love me? You can even say it, that's my answer.”-He walked around the kitchen, grab the keys and left.  
***

His alarm woke him up, he was still sitting on the floor by the door, Castiel did not make it back, why would he. His head was pounding, when he tried to get up, 10 messages on his phone none from Castiel. He dialed a number and waited until he got send to voice mail, did not leave a message, just hung up. Closed his eyes and felt the phone buzz against his chest, excited he picked up, message not Castiel. He answer with a message, throw the phone in the bed, walked in to the bathroom. When he finally got out there were ten more messages waiting for him and a final call. He did not answer any of them, instead he dialed another number and waited.  
“What do you want?”- A not so happy gruff voice answer his call.  
“Hello Dean, He is with you, right?”- he could hear the hesitation on the other thinking if it was a good idea telling him the truth.  
“He is sleeping, on the couch. But you already knew that do you?”- He listen to Dean move as if moving out of a room.- “I told you I will kick your ass if you hurt him.”  
“You should, listen when he wakes up can you tell him to call me, please.”  
“Why should I.”  
“Please.”- Of course Dean would never help him.  
“Only if he wants too.”  
“Of course.”  
Dean hang up, he lay on the bed defeated, he though of sleeping, closing his eyes an induce himself in to a coma and wait fro everything to get better. But that would never happen. He decided on a walk, he did needed air.   
He made it to the nearest park, taking a seat on an a bench, a few kids were playing mostly toddlers, with their nannies, two couples that had obviously skip school, one of them were being grossly affective with each other, in other days it would have make him turn his stomach, but now he only regretted never allowing being like that with Castiel, he had always been to much aware of his surroundings, and not so much of Cas feelings. His stomach growled demanding food but he ignored it.  
Another soft buzz on his pocket brought him back to reality.  
“Hey...”-Hos hands were shaking, his whole being was.  
“Dean said you called.”-He sound tired.  
“Yeah, you were sleeping.”  
“Well am not anymore… So?”-His heart was racing, he felt like he could not breath.  
“I don't want to do this over the phone, Cas…”-He cleared his voice while changing his phone to the other ear.- “Can we meet somewhere?”  
“Well I have your car.”  
“I am at the Park.”-The phone clicked off, he was left staring at his phone, the sun had began to stung by the time he heard the motor of his car approaching. Getting up he waited by the bench only to find Castiel waiting by the car, arms crossed, the light of the afternoon always did wonders for him making him look younger. He approached Cas slowly.  
“I was planning on giving it back.”-He handed him the keys and Crowley made tried his best not grab hold of those hand and never let go.  
“I did not call for the car.”- Castiel raised and eyebrow and looked away.  
“They why did you call.”- He finally let Crowley met his eyes, they were red and tired, no wonder Dean wanted to kill the crap out of him. If he takes him back he would make sure to never see those eyes again, not red, never red.  
“You want to sit down.”-Castiel motion with his head but besides that he made no effort on moving.- “Okay, I have issues, intimacy issues, and this is not an excuse I will never try to buy you with excuses. I am just trying to explain myself, you know my mother, you already know how bad can she be. What you don't know is that she in fact can be worse.”- His attention is stuck on his shoes.- “When she decided to leave I felt relieve an I was eight years old, what kind of eight year old wants his mom to go away. She keep on coming back blackmailing me, promising something that she will never give and always blaming me for not being able to provide.”-A noise caught his attention and found Castiel biting his lips wanting to say something, he continued.- “So far I had two relationships, you are aware of that, the first one is unimportant I used him as much as he used me, the second one told me love me but I was too much for him, too damage, too high maintenance. So he said he needed to let me go. I love him and he shoot me down.”- The nannies are beginning to leave the park, one of them gives them a questionable look, asking if everything is alright, Crowley smiles at her and she leaves. Castiel still glued to his spot, his lips are little bit reddish by now. - “When we found each other, I was still on the middle of that, and then we got together and you kept on telling me that you love me, over and over again every single moment of the day not necessarily because I did something or because is a special date, and I just cannot believe it, I am sorry.”- Cas looks like he is about to cry.- “I do not doubt your feelings, I just cannot believe that someone can love me. I have tried saying it back, and it never makes it out of my mouth, because am afraid how empty it would sound, and then you will take it back; I cannot be without you. I will never survive without you. I love you.”  
“I don't need you to say it, I just want you to mean it.”-The force of a body git slam against his making him lose his balance, and almost fall not that he had already fall long ago.  
“You forgive me then.”-He did not need an answer on that one but Castiel nodding his head against his chest helped.- “I promise you one thing I will never again make you cry.”-He feels Castiel giggle but he is too busy kissing his eyelids.   
They are already at home in bed and Castiel head lays sleepy on his chest when he remembers.  
“What are the odds of getting a job on the gas station.”- He hears a not so interested “why” coming from the other.- “I quit mine.”  
“You did, why...”-Castiel raised his head not so sleepy anymore.  
“Not worth it.”-He states pulling Castiel tighter.  
“I will pull a word with the manager.”


	2. Diamonds

He wakes to find his love by the window, staring out in to darkness, eyes wet not caring that the night is cold. He gets up quietly and sit by him, on good days, he feel Cas jump at his touch, then turn and look at him saying that he woke up, and is not tired anymore even when the next day Crowley would have to watch him wear raccoon eyes and a tired smile.  
On bad days, he doesn't even feel the approaching until Crowley arms are around him, word feel inappropriate and empty by Cas embracing him to hide his face on the hallow of his neck. Cas cannot hide tears any more, they run down his lover chest carving scare of whats unsaid. Crowley fears those the most, they make him feel useless, on those night he promise himself that Cas will not cry again and every nigh feel like a failure, and he cries but he doesn't let Cas know. How can he protect the love of his life, when he know his fighting Cas himself. He sits waiting as the night becomes even longer on those nights, but he could wait all night if it means he can do something helpful.  
Some of those nights Cas would fall sleep against his chest, eyes burning from crying, Crowley would carry him to bed once more, wrap him with blankets and cuddle him to make his body forget the coldness of the night. He would close eyes and wonder when Cas demons came home, how long will they last this time. He runs his hand around Cas back carving apologetic words for not noticing before just how low Cas was.  
Morning comes and he gets out of the bed making sure nit to wake Cas, makes his way down to the kitchen to make coffee, he drinks his sitting on the quiet kitchen, he lets Cas sleep longer on those nights. He cooks him breakfast and takes it up to their bedroom. He finds puffy blue eyes staring at him from under the covers, he wants to forget the food, jump on the bed and hug the sadness out of him. He knows is not possible, so he put his best face and smiles back at him.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
But if she feels bad then i do too  
So I let her be

And she says oh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down (matchbox twenty)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks

**Author's Note:**

> hey thanks.


End file.
